Your browser is out of date. It has known security flaws and may not display all features of this and other websites. Learn how to update your browser.

Speak in confidence today: 01534 729060
Header Image
Header Image

Making Amends

Unknown
Posted on 02/04/19

One of the tell-tale symptoms of chemical dependency is behaving in ways that go against your personal values and standards. That's why the recovery process includes the practice of recognising how your behaviour has harmed others and seeking to repair the mistakes and damage caused during your active addiction. This approach is called "making amends:"

On the surface, making amends might sound as simple as offering a sincere apology for your treatment of others, but there's more to this reconciliation which is so vital to addiction recovery and spiritual health.

What is a Direct Amend?

The act of personally addressing issues with people who have been harmed by our behaviour or our treatment of them. The practice involves going back to those individuals to acknowledge the harm or hurt we have caused them and demonstrate our changed ways in order to provide them with the opportunity to heal. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologise on your behalf.

What's the Difference Between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?

Think of amends as actions taken that demonstrate your new way of life in recovery, whereas apologies are basically words.

In active addiction, our actions and intentions aren't aligned. For example, we might intend to go to a friend's birthday party but, in actuality, we fail to show up for the event. While we might apologise later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than actions or changed behaviour.

In recovery, our actions and intentions are aligned. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took.

Are There Times When Direct Amends Are Not Advisable?

Yes. We make amends "except when to do so would injure them or others." We don't want our actions to cause further damage, harm or stress. Also, we might owe amends to people we can't reach. In those cases, we can make amends in a broader sense by taking actions such as donating money, volunteering our time or providing care.

It's also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.

Should I Try to Make Amends with Someone Who Doesn't Want to Hear From Me?

No matter how much you feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with you or hear from you is not what it’s about. When those we've hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others.

What If my Attempt to Make Things Right Goes Wrong and Things Get Worse?

It's important to have a plan in place before you reach out. We can't know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event you would need support. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person you are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as you are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive, or whether they will hold onto negative feelings or resentments.

Sourced from Hazelden

Share this Post

60 Seconds with Lynsey

Lynsey Mallinson 1 17/04/19

Lynsey coordinates and delivers Silkworms, our children’s programme and the Silkworms support group as well as working with younger clients living with addiction and in need of support on a one to one basis: 1). What does Silkworth mean to you? Silkworth is about hope and recovery; helping people take back control of themselves, their lives and their families. Addiction is also a bigger social, community, national and world wide

Find out more

Team Silkworth for Jersey Triathlon

Fm W7 Xmd0 400X400 05/04/19

We are looking for x15 participants to make up x5 relay teams for the Accuro Jersey Triathlon on Sunday 16th June 2019. Each Silkworth relay team will be made up of x3 members and will need to fulfil the following disciplines: 1500m swim, 40km bike ride, 10km run. "The Jersey Triathlon is the most Southerly triathlon of the British Isles and is one of the most exciting, challenging and picturesque courses in Britain. The event is centred around

Find out more